Sunday, 6 March 2011

Loco Roco

(As a note, someone pointed out to me that I have captcha enabled for comments -- I didn't mean to, I swear! It's disabled now, and thank you to that individual that pointed it out. :P Anyway, on with the review! Hope I don't step on anyone's toes...)

Graphics: 10/10

The cartoony, 2D graphics are pretty, and eye-wateringly colorful. As far as smile-inducing graphics go, Loco Roco takes the cake.

Music and Sound: 1/10

Sound effects are entirely negligible, and music is irritating as all Hell. Bizarre, screaming child-voices populate the entire game. *shudder*

Gameplay: 1/10

In Loco Roco, you tilt the world, either slightly left or slightly right. This causes a yellow blob to roll either left or right, respectively. You can jump over tiny bumps in the landscape, get thrown about by automatic throwing-devices. The goal of the game is to eat flowers, causing the yellow blob to become larger. For certain parts of the game, you can split your blob into numerous mini-blobs, to fit through small tunnels and whatnot, then re-join them on the other side of the tunnel. This, in essence, is the entire game.
  • Roll yellow blob through levels.
  • Eat flowers to get fat.
  • Split blob into mini-blobs to get through small spaces.
  • Rejoin mini-blobs into single blob.
  • Repeat.
The only quick-moving parts of the game are rollercoaster-esque, where you have no control of the game, and just watch things happen. Sometimes, there would be barriers in the way, and the game would insist that you hold still to get rid of it. The blob splits into mini-blobs automatically, they hop around helplessly for a bit, then the barrier removes itself. Moving on from there, you complete a level by getting to a random spot on the map. Usually, I play video games to get rid of boredom. This game, however, actually induces boredom.

Dialog and Story: 7/10

There is no story, as far as I can tell, and a game like this benefits from the lack of storytelling. Just when you feel secure that nothing is going to try and explain the oddities to you, a little insect pops up and says "HI I'M LOCO ROCO'S FRIEND" and blabbers on, inanely.

Controls: 4/10

The controls are decent; they do what they're supposed to, but what they're supposed to do is so dumb, boring and lame, that I can't possibly see myself giving this a decent mark.

Closing Comments

Loco Roco is a boring dumbass-fest of stuff that purposely makes no sense, and only frustrates me in doing so. This game might be suitable to kids that are new to video games, and have no expectations whatsoever, but to those of us with even the slightest of standards, I'd recommend something more fun, like mowing the lawn.

Rating: 2/10


  1. Haha thanks for the review. I will definitely not bother with this :]

  2. 2/10? Thanks now I know what to avoid. keep em coming.

  3. hmm; eating flowers to get fat. Damn veggies :P

  4. Good review!

    I played LR a couple years back and I don't know if I'd even give it a 2/10!

  5. Yea I'm not a huge fan of this game either, truthful review.

  6. imho it wasnt sooo bad 5-6/10

  7. I think i'll be avoiding this game. Thanks for the review.

  8. still showing love! but post soon!

  9. I think as a cheap download-able it could have weight, but as a full price game... Well let's just say you can effortlessly beat it in like 2 hours.

    The girlfriend loves it though.